Our happiest moments are spent, mostly, in the company of other people.

A wise insight by Andrew Matthews, an artist, motivational speaker and author of a number of self-help books. His gentle, down to earth prose reveals what really matters in life. Through his writing I came to understand that in the darkest of days, people crave clarity and perspective. That clarity was invaluable in helping me through a difficult period in my own life: clarification of my sense of self and what the values are that really matter.

People matter. Being with others is good for us. We improve and protect our mental and physical wellbeing when we make the effort to go out of the house and meet others. It's how we grow: by learning from others' perspectives and experiences.

The early internet was good at helping people form connections based on mutual values and re-establishing long broken bonds by reuniting people from days long gone - after all, who could forget Friends Reunited? My values, my sense of self, provide an invaluable reference point, a sort of anchor, from where I look around me and try to understand the world, and come to conclusions as to what is good and what is not. Character, and the values that underpin it, matter!

My critique of modern 'social media' has, at its foundation, connection to my values: community; solidarity; integrity; fairness; compassion; empathy; commitment; obligations; and, service to others. All values that had root in my community life in 1970s Britain.

Interdependence. Interconnectedness. These were the things that bound our communities together and, as a whole, created a cohesive, happy and healthy society.

They were crafted in the clubs and societies I joined when I was younger. To this day, they guide my thinking about modern social media, and the havoc it has wrought on us all. They inform my thinking as to how best to get out of the polarised mess we all find ourselves in. Meeting people In Real Life is, really, the only solution to the social and mental health crisis that we are only beginning to grapple with here in the UK.



--oo0oo--

In the North West of England where I live, there is a car club on Facebook that is pro-social and friendly. Events are organised and published in the events tab on their Facebook group's page. Good turnouts of about twenty people make for an ideal motoring meetup of good friends with shared interests over a mug of tea and a bacon sandwich. It's the efforts of a dedicated and professional team who work hard together to develop the club and create connections between its members, in real life, helping to reduce isolation and loneliness in the communities that they serve.

All sounds good, but that's not the complete picture, for it is only when I took a look at the group's page on Facebook that I discovered it has over a thousand members - a simple mathematical calculation revealing a participation rate of two percent.

Two percent! And it's a figure that is surprisingly constant across multiple groups. Sometimes it is one and a half, sometimes it is two and a half, but two percent seems to act as a mathematical constant.

One can only speculate what has happened to the other 98% but one thing is for certain: civil society groups are locked into playing a numbers game because that is the only way they can gain enough IRL engagement to make the groups sustainable.